I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize