Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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