her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
