Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
