My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
