Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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