Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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