i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
