Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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