It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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