This girl is more easily done than said...
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
