Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
