But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
