you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize