I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
