flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
3 2 1 whiskey
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
