something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
