went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
