I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
