Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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