Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
