Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Who died my cat blue again?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
