I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
