When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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