Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
