your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
