I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
