man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
