How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
