Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
