There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
