your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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