The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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