If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize