As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Well I just put wine in my tea
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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