Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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