i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
