I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
