it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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