I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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