I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
