Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
