I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
