is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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