We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
