Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize