I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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