best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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