You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
