This is not my ceiling
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
soo... how was my night?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
