return my video game
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
