What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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