You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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