I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
