tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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