and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
