is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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