There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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