dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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