I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize