I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize