I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
