so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
