I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
