hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
