Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
babies were throwing up all over the place
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
