Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
