He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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