How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
