Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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