u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So many bounce houses so little time
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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