Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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