I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think a kid would responsible me up
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
