i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
