Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
