In America we eat man semen.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
