Your mouth is God's brothel.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
