so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
