Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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