I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
