You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
