Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize