do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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