She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
