ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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