That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
