I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
