if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
