last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
