You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
