wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
