sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So squirting runs in the family.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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