A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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