you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
