I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize