I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
