i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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