There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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