your parents love me but you hate me
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize