Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Randomize
