He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
