so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
