it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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