but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
