well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I intend to get homeless drunk
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
