I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize