I wish I could punch you in the face.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
