You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
