HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
