I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
