Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
